Cooking with Michelle, Episode III: Kraft Dinner gone horribly, horribly wrong

  • Posted on: 22 April 2009
  • By: Michelle

So here's the thing. By my own admission, I am incredibly skilled at botching, to an exorbitant degree, even the simplest of culinary tasks. Take for example this attempt to make a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese for lunch:


If you are unfamiliar with my cooking style, please refer to Cooking with Michelle, Episode I: Quiche Lorraine, paragraphs 1-2, which outline a standard Bartleman approach to food preparation, ending appropriately with the words "Oh ... crap ... "

So ... yeah ... ummm ... today I managed to ... burn? Sear? Scorch? Decimate? Obliterate? Annihilate? Man ... there are just no words to accurately describe what I accomplished in the kitchen this afternoon. Let's just say that the macaroni was a little bit overdone by the time I remembered I was cooking. And that the pot was a little, ummm ... I want to say charred, but that just seems like such a mild word in comparison to the black, scorched, steaming disaster that was staring up at me from the depths of my husband's good cooking pot once the smoke had finally cleared, all the alarms had been dismantled and the fire brigade had been sent home.

The sad truth of the matter? I have been making Kraft Dinner and Cheese since the first night my parents explained to me that it was a "Get-Your-Own-Supper" night back in grade three. I survived six years of university solely on PB and Js, top ramen, and mac and cheese. I have successfully prepared HUNDREDS of boxes of KD in my lifetime (except for that one time, when something very similar may have occurred in the kitchen of our apartment with the pots of one of the "several former roommates" mentioned in the beginning of Cooking with Michelle, Episode I).

What on earth am I going to feed myself at lunch now when Jason isn't around to supervise? My only other noontime staple is perogies on the George Foreman grill. And after this, I am pretty sure there are security cameras and laser systems that alert the fire department (among other authorities) to my very entrance into a kitchen - forget about any attempts to plug in an electrical cooking appliance.

Sigh. Stay tuned for the next episode of Cooking with Michelle, when, after our microwave bit the dust, I tried to heat up a glass plate of toast on the stove-top burner. Don't ask.