MAY. 22 | 2011 Squamish Garage Sailing Circuit: Week 2 (Plus Garage Sale Drive By Categories)

  • Posted on: 24 May 2011
  • By: Michelle

Summary: Slim pickins' this week - only three listed garage sales, and one of them was a straight-up Category 3 Drive By.

In case you are wondering, Garage Sale Drive Bys are categorized as follows:

1) Category 0 Drive By: This is the home of the Serial Garage Seller. This person has a garage sale every week. All summer. This is essentially an outdoor thrift store. Except, often with a strange bent, depending on the proprietor's preferences. Like only girls infant clothing. Or only V.C. Andrews novels. Or only vintage drill press machine parts. This person isn't trying to declutter. They are trying to cash in. So don't expect any bartering. They'll just sell the item next week. Or the week after. Feel free to stop in the first time this sale is listed. You might find something worthwhile. But after that, drive on by.

2) Category 1 Drive By: You approach the address and see an old lady in a lawn chair next to a solitary table. You can assume the wares offered include doilies, 1950s sewing notions still in the package, aluminum cookie presses, a crock-pot, crystal figurines, and a variety of genuine Tupperware, which you can be rest assured does not have that new, plasticky smell. On slow days, with nothing better to do, you might stop the car for a peak, because you feel sorry for the little old lady, you have patience enough for a 10-minute report on her health status, or you really need a crock-pot. And while the likelihood of her negotiating is slim, the possibility that she is dealing in 1950s currency is quite high.

3) Category 2 Drive By: The proprietor of this garage sale is an overweight, thirty-something pizza delivery guy who is cleaning out his mom's basement, AKA his bedroom. In the 1980s he was totally techno-current, and would not have tried to sell 8-tracks for the same price his parents paid in the mid-60s. But the years of playing nintendo and watching Star Wars on Betamax in a dark basement, combined with the lack of nutrients offered by pepperoni pizzas, have overrided the "What year is this?" reality-check. From the car you can see the stacks of VHS tapes, cassette tapes, floppy disks, floppy drives, zip drives, encyclopedia sets in their entirely, and at least four Windows 3.1 user guides. Oh, and a wicked ghetto blaster. There is NOTHING ELSE. Trust me. I mean. Go ahead. Get out of the car. Check it out for yourself. See? I told you so.

4) Category 3 Drive By: This garage sale is located in the front entrance of a row of run-down townhouses. There is one table outside the open door, with a strange and slim variety of items: toaster, crutches, morse-code machine, gas masks, inflated jetliner lifevest, a Pound Puppy, machine gun rounds, Prom Barbie in mint condition, used Tupperwear. There is no one in sight. There is a sign on the door that says there is furniture for sale inside. You will never come out alive. I don't even have to convince you to just keep on driving.

So, yeah, for all intents and purposes, we were down to two this week.

But. I. TOTALLY. Scored. No. Really.

garage

A genuine, leather Roots brand BAG.

Anyone inclined to make some smart-alec remark about my perceived need (or otherwise) for another BAG, may first want to examine the length and durability of the leather strap on said BAG.

For anyone inclined to inform me that said BAG could be conceived of as, say, a purse ... see above.

The tally:

  • Leather Roots BAG: $10
  • Wasn't sucked in by Mint-Condition Prom Barbie at Category 3 Drive By: Priceless

Total: $10

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