Two weeks into bank teller training and this is what I've got to show for it. Well, this and I can now recite the four essentials of client care, the five foundational values of my organization, the eight guiding principles underlying those values, the four tenets of client priority, the three main steps of the money laundering process, the three components of a negotiation triangle and the reference number for the form that needs to be filled out when you are resetting your bank card pin.

But you can be rest assured ... I AM AWAKE.

Last week I finally reached my breaking point and was ready to give up future children in return for a haircut. I thought it would be cool to go get some euro-chic Norwegian do, but the 550 Kroner price tag was a bit out of my budget. And waiting out the 14 days with my mental institute hair, before heading home for a proper cut, did not cross my mind as a legitimate or tolerable option.

Today we ran into the Norwegian equivalent of Canadian Tire to grab some acetone and some obscenely oversized wrenches.

My first question ... what bolt is this wrench endeavouring to tighten? All I can picture is some construction worker building a skyscraper ... "Hey Bjorn, the building's leaning a little to the left - can you check to see if that big bolt that holds it together is tight?"

Oh man.

This place is so, so wrong.

My toes are painted, the most scandalous clothes I own are packed and my pennies are ready ...

Yes. I am really bringing all the pennies from my penny jar (I conveniently have about 3 kilos of American pennies collected over six years of living in Alaska ... ) to use in the penny slots.

And yes. It's true that the most scandalous clothes I own is limited to a full-coverage push-up bra, a slightly low cut v-neck T-shirt and a really long tank top that could possibly pass as a dress.