So, my passport expired and obviously I need a new one. I filled all the paperwork out at home, and then figured it would be easier to just bring it to a Passport Office here in Calgary this week, instead of having to drive into Vancouver.

Familiar with the past horror stories I was prepared to face the crowds. So this morning I got up bright and early, like before 8 a.m., put pants on and drove to the Passport Office. I wanted to be there before it opened so that I could try to get a head start on the anticipated wait.

Of course, this is Calgary. At eight in the morning. It think we can all agree that I have sufficiently addressed this situation in the past.

So, I arrived a few minutes later than I was hoping (apparently 8:41 a.m., according to my ticket stub). I grabbed all my papers and ran toward the Passport office, hoping I might be able to beat a few people to the door. I was ready to use elbows if necessary.

I made it to the front door free and clear, without assaulting anyone.

But then things got CRAZY.

I went to the first desk where the security guard asked me to turn off my phone. Then I moved to the second desk where a passport official asked to review all my papers and check my ID. Then ...

He handed me my number.

Holding my fate in my hands I glanced up to the screen. At the bottom of the screen flashed number 18.

I slowly turned over the small paper stub in my hand.

OH THE HUMANITY.

I trudged to a chair, sat down and pulled out my book. Hey, I thought, I might even be able to finish it.

One minute passed and I heard a buzzer. I glanced up at the screen. Number 19. Sigh.

Another minute passed, another buzzer. Number 20.

FINALLY.

I put my book away and went to wicket number eight where I presented my pre-approved package of papers. Can you believe that it took almost FIVE MINUTES at that window.

When I finally got out of that building it was, like, ten minutes to nine o'clock.

Oh. My. God. This whole passport thing is OUT OF CONTROL.