So this year, I hinted to Jay that I would REALLY like an iPhone for my birthday.

Now, in the past, some of my more subtle hints have gone unnoticed, for example the time where I said "Sigh ..." which meant "I am bored. Please sporadically take me on a romantic date in which we participate in an activity that is both humorous and economical." Then we had a box of KD for dinner and watched the news.

So this time round, I decided to make my fervent desire a little more obvious, attempting to alleviate any possibility of misunderstandings or disappointments. Which went something like this: "Here is my birthday list. It contains one item. This item is a 3G iPhone. It would be in your best interest if we can work together to make this a reality on or before the seventh of July."

Now, I know, I know. it sounds a little bit tasteless, inappropriate, megalomaniacal even, to be demanding specific items as birthday presents, and making violent threats should the goods not be delivered. But sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to keep her marriage in working order.

And to get an iPhone.

So the day after the new 3G iPhones were released in Canada, Jason went about the process of ordering one and switching my phone contract (I, for one, REFUSE to deal with phone contracts, phone companies, phone bills, phone bill explanations and the doctorate level degree of knowledge that one needs in order to understand how much a call will cost if they proceed to press the green button after dialing a number. It makes me crazy in a way that is non-medicable). We figured that we'd just have the phone sent to us, since it was easier, and then it would arrive closer to my actual birthday, and I wouldn't have to be tortured by days of looking at a perfectly useful iPhone sitting in the middle of the coffee table that I am not allowed to open yet.

Except for the part where the iPhone sold out within hours of the launch, and my phone never arrived.

Now, Jay prepared me for the possibility that my beloved new gadget may not arrive in time. And I was okay with it.

So can you imagine my delight and surprise when I woke on the morning of my birthday and there waiting for me was ... nope, not an iPhone. Even better ... a state-of-the-art, one-of-a-kind, limited edition jPhone.

Complete with landline-enabled communication capabilities, time-keeping device, extendable keyboard, calculator, speaker, wi-fi, bluetooth AND detachable camera.

You know what Rogers/Apple/Various-other-soul-sucking-corporate-giants? Keep your iPhone and bank-draining data plans. I am now a loyal jPhone user!

Happy Birthday to me indeed!

Ummmmm ... okay, I lied a little bit ... I didn't REALLY mean for you to keep my iPhone (although you are welcome to keep the bank-draining data plan ... ) I mean, the jPhone operates on really advanced technology and not everyone has these capabilities yet ... sooo ... I mean, I still need to be able to talk to my clients and all ... sooo ... yeah ...