Okay. So I live in a little town. A little town that has no shopping mall. No Body Shop. No Bay. No Sport Check. No Lululemon. No Stokes that is permanently going out of business. No food court.

So, everytime I am in Calgary, I carve out time to go to the mall. Because for me, it's like going to an amusement park.

There are bright lights, and tons of people. There are line-ups and kids screaming. Food stands and snack bars. And even better, no admission fee and free parking!

This time round I even went on a ride ... we'll call it the MAC Makeup Express.

All I asked was "Which is the whitest foundation you have?" and the next thing I know I have been flung into a styling chair, hydraulically pumped four feet up and subsequently find myself being primped, poofed and powered.

It was a totally insane ride. I almost threw up.

There was only one disappointing part of my trip to the Amusement Mall. I go to a shopping centre with one snack in mind: the biggest mixed berries and cantaloupe Yogen Früz I can buy. It costs about as much as theme park food, but it is sooooooo worth it.

So I go to the food court, ignoring the allure of Kernels and Purdy's and the Manchu Wok, and head straight for my beloved Yogen Früz, licking my lips in anticipation. Only to find, be still my beating heart, that there is NO YOGEN FRÜZ in the spot where there is SUPPOSED TO BE A YOGEN FRÜZ.

I think I might have cried on the floor a little ...

But all in all, a great day at the amusement park.

Wait ... what? If I were to drive three hours north to Edmonton, I would discover a mall that actually IS an amusement park?

What will them city folks think up next ... ?