My husband is never again allowed to complain about the relics of my childhood. Any lingering embarrassment regarding some of the things I have held onto throughout the years completely faded this week as I went through the box of things my husband has kept quietly hidden from me in his parents’ basement.

I present to you “Jason: Revealed.”

Artifact 1: Fully functioning caveman tool. This was the very first thing I saw when I opened the box. He couldn't have eased me into his past with something more mild, perhaps a ...

Artifact 2: Beaver hat. Or ...

Artifact 3: An unidentifiable stuffed animal.

Artifact 4: A warped shark's ... umm ... mouth? Jaw? Set of teeth? Whatever.

Artifact 5: Was recently (like yesterday) defended as being a "very important document."

Artifact 6: Don't want to ever know 1) if he tried any of the experiments and 2) if he ate any.

Artifact 7: Ahhhh ... the piece de resistance! A bag of googly eyes.

I have nothing more to say except that I now feel absolutely no need to defend my retainer, glow-in-the-dark yoyo and cabbage patch doll.