All week I have been totally sucking in training. Of course it's my first time at the big kids sliding sessions, with World Cup and Europa Cup athletes there. And what do I do? I push the slowest start of my life. I am in dead last on every single run. I fall off my sled in the outrun. I drop my Nalgene bottle and dump a liter of water all over a world cup athlete's gear. It's like I am the special ed kid in the integrated class.

Everyone thinks this warning sign at the top of the track is for tourists and teenage boys. It's not. It's for the athletes. Normal people don't need a sign posted at the top of a 1500m frozen water slide to tell them that crossing the start line will likely result in an injury.

So. My certain injury of the day: I fell off my sled AFTER I crossed the finish line. WHO DOES THAT? What, I can hold on to the damn sled at 110 kph, but when I slow down to speeds of, say, 30, I fall over?

Yesterday I went to the movies (which is a long story in itself - I wanted to see "The Astronaut Farmer," but I ended up seeing "The Queen") and of course had to hop with my legs crossed to the bathroom afterward because I 1) refuse to waste one cent of the $11 ticket price by spending active film time in the restroom, and 2) refuse to buy the small drink because the extra large comes cheaper with the combo. But that's not the funny part of the story.

On Saturday night, one of my teammates, Micaela, asked us to help her out with a school project. So we slid wearing sweatshirts and pants over our speedsuits to see how much slower it would make us. Would you believe I had a personal best run? Well, I didn't. I went two seconds slower. Which is too bad. Because I was really warm and comfortable.