OK, so last night I made my debut as a fast-pitch softball player ... ON A SENIOR WOMEN'S "A" TEAM.

For all intents and purposes, the Blue Jays (since the demise of my Expos and with no progress made regarding who I am going to cheer for now, I will default to the only Canadian team, despite the unfortunate fact that they are based in Toronto ... ) may as well called me up and said "Hey, we're short a couple players tonight. Wanna come play a few innings?"

After reading the Wikipedia entry* regarding post-modernism, I am pretty sure that my sister is right: Post-modernism is retarded.

If I understand correctly, post-modernism is essentially an indefinable concept that when defined is anything that is complex, contradictory, ambiguous and is manifested according to unclear, decentralized and disorganized principles.

This jar contains several hundred sour sours. Need I say more?

Since I have returned to Canada after 6 years in the U.S. I have gone through phases of re-integration. The first 3 weeks that we were here we went through 4 tubs of iced tea mix (they mostly drink unsweetened iced tea in the states). Then there was a stint of going to Timmies almost daily. There were a few weeks last fall when I was watching hockey and hockey reality shows as though the NHL might go on strike at any moment.

Yesterday I went to the movies (which is a long story in itself - I wanted to see "The Astronaut Farmer," but I ended up seeing "The Queen") and of course had to hop with my legs crossed to the bathroom afterward because I 1) refuse to waste one cent of the $11 ticket price by spending active film time in the restroom, and 2) refuse to buy the small drink because the extra large comes cheaper with the combo. But that's not the funny part of the story.

Why on earth would you stand in your driveway with a bucket and sponge when for less than the price of a movie you can sit in the driver's seat, crank up the tunes and have your own mini disco party?